As you get this letter, this should be no surprise that I have decided to leave the earth, because I need to be with Caylee Marie. I cannot keep on going because it should be me that is gone from this earth, not her. I have lived many years, I am satisfied with my decision because I have never been the man you, Lee, Casey & especially Caylee Marie deserved. I have never been the man any of you could count on. I have always let each of you down in more ways then I could remember. I do not feel sorry for myself, I am just sorry I burden all of you the way I have. My loss of life is meaningless. Cynthia Marie, you have always worked the hardest, given the most to me, and I have never "thanked you." 28+ years ago, you corrected me, a man who has now found his identity in life. What I mean is, you always challenged me the right way, and I always could never live up to your expectations. You have always been smarter, more knowledgeable & thought things thru & I love you for that. |
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Page 4 | I cannot be strong anymore. Caylee Marie, our granddaughter, I miss her, I miss her so much. I know you do too. You were always the one that provided for her. What did I provide? I blame myself for her being gone! You know for months, as a matter of fact, for a year or so I brought stuff up, only to be told not to be negative. Caylee Marie, I miss her. I miss her. I want my family back. I sit here, falling apart, because I should have done more. She was so close to home, why was she there? Who placed her there? Why is she gone? Why? For months, you & I, especially you always questioned, why? I want this to go away for Casey! What happened? Why could she not come to us? Especially you, why not Lee? Who is involved with this stuff for Caylee? I am going krazy [sic] because I want to |
Page 5 | go after these people Casey hung with prior to Caylee being gone. That is why I got that gun. I wanted to scare these people. You know! They know more then they have stated. You cannot sugar coat, kidglove these people. They need hard knocks to get info from. Sure that will not bring Caylee Marie back, but was Casey threatened? You know, Casey does not deserve to be where she is! I miss her, I miss her so much. I am worried for her. Her personal safety is always on my mind. I try to deal with so – so much, as I do you also. I have never wanted to my family for sorrow in any way. I realize families have ups & downs, but we have suffered our share & then some. Cynthia Marie, you have always deserved more & with me being gone, you will. I have always brought you down. You know that. You are better off. Lee will be there for you. Mallory is such a great woman. I see how you are with her. She is a keeper, future |
Page 6 | daughter-in-law. I smile when I say her name. Mallory, please take care of yourself, Lee & Cindy. Someday you will be a great wife to Lee, and a fantastic Mom. Cindy is a great "Grammy," & will love you forever. Getting back to why I cannot live anymore: I cannot function knowing our granddaughter is gone. Caylee Marie never had a chance to grow. I wanted to walk her to school (The 1st day). I wanted to help her in so many ways. Shoot her 1st basket. I could go on & on. I sit here empty inside for her. For you, for us. Jose keeps calling. Yes, you deserve more & you will have freedom to enjoy what you deserve. I have taken what meds was given to me with alcohol & I am ready to give up. As I can tell by my writing & thinking I am getting very stupid. Wow, what a word STUPID. Yes, I am. Again, I do not feel sorry for myself, but yes I am STUPID. Cannot deal with stuff anymore. |
Page 7 | The loss of Caylee Marie. The loss of Casey. The loss of us, Cynthia Marie, the meds, I am ready. Saying good bye, please understand it is for the best. I do not deserve life anymore. Anymore us. You are the best, you always have been. I am sorry for all that I have done to us. You know I never got to say good bye. I am at this place & all is getting fuzzy & my writing is all over the place. I love you, I love you, I hope you get to see Casey soon. All the people we met, wow the writing is getting weird, I love you, I am sorry – I will take care of Caylee – once I get to God "Hopefully." |
Page 8 | I want to hold her hand again, I miss her, I will always love us, I am sorry Cynthia Marie. I called my mom today,Sonnie, Kathy, Ruthie (I lost her #). I am so tired, at least I shaved today, Wow - I'm tripping out, I am sorry. I love you – Cynthia Marie. Caylee here I come. Lee, I am sorry. Casey – (THERE WAS NO FURTHER WRITING AFTER THIS) |
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